I was 13 when the reality TV show There’s Something About Miriam aired in 2004.
Me and my mum usually spent quality time together during the winter watching shows on one of only two TV stations we had reception for at our rural farm in dark and wintery Iceland.
This one was a dating show where six hunky and conventionally attractive white men competed for the love of Miriam, a young, Mexican woman, with black straight glossy hair and a banging body. Every week they’d engage in challenges for the possibility of going on a date with her.
At the end of each episode Miriam would send one of them home until there were only two to pick between, where one would emerge as her knight in shining armour and whisk her away on a romantic cruise. Sounds pretty straight-forward, if a tad boring, right? What could go wrong?
Well, a lot.
By name, it appeared as your typical dating show — except it wasn’t. The twist was that Miriam was transgender and the guys competing for her love weren’t told that she was. The viewers were aware from the start, knowing what would eventually be revealed. It certainly was groundbreaking reality TV, but it was also a recipe for disaster.
When the show came on, I was obsessed. As a young trans person that wasn’t out, it was liberating for me to see a trans person on TV. Miriam was radiant and beautiful, and I secretly wished that one day I could be like her.
But the big reveal remains one of the most shocking moments in reality TV history — and the reactions of the contestants were certainly negative. All the men, including the winner that rejected the prize money and the cruise with Miriam after initially accepting it, sued the creators of the show. Five of them later settled for money in court and the show aired a bit later than scheduled.
I was reminded of this show this week when I heard about a podcast called Harsh Reality: The Story of Miriam Rivera. The show is narrated by trans actress Trace Lysette and delves into what was happening behind the scenes of the show and puts it into context with the reality facing transgender people at the time.
Unlike now, there was very little public awareness of what being trans was and I personally rarely even remember hearing about trans people at all.
I decided to contact Eleanor Biggs, one of the producers of the new podcast and asked why she thinks it’s important we reflect on shows like There’s Something About Miriam.
She said: ‘While we might like to think that the world is a very different place now, transphobia is still all around. 17 years on, transphobic views are still present in all walks of life.
‘The creators maintain that the TV show was intended to be a positive representation of a transgender person on screen. But the show ended up being a prime example of the “cruel TV” trend of the early 2000s – and almost 20 years later, it’s a sobering reminder we haven’t come as far as we might have hoped.’
In 2004 the show was really pushing the boundaries in terms of dating shows, sexuality and the public’s perception of transgender people – but the fact that her being trans was hidden away for a shock factor turned it into a chaotic, cruel and a controversial mess.
Even if some of the creators or producers might have had good intentions for the show and wanted to challenge sexuality and its boundaries, the show didn’t really achieve any of that in my mind — it only helped to fuel stigma and disgust towards trans people in modern society.
At the time I wasn’t able to be critical of what I was watching – trans people up until this point had been shown in popular media as perverts, murderers and objects of ridicule and disgust. At least in this show I saw a trans woman being desired, even if her being trans was made a dirty little secret.
Throughout the series, some of the contestants started to suspect that Miriam might be trans — although their suspicions always centred around the fact that she might secretly ‘be a man’.
As the show came to its conclusion, Miriam revealed to the winner of the show that she was indeed a woman with a transgender history — although the phrasing at the time wasn’t quite so generous and respectful. Instead she said that she was ‘wasn’t a woman’ and that she was ‘born a man’.
It seems obvious to me that this phrasing was carefully picked out by the producers, and Miriam was forced to play along. I just don’t believe that she would willingly humiliate herself in such a way and it was clearly orchestrated to achieve maximum shock and outrage.
I remember feeling horrified watching the finale at how she was treated — but I also remember feeling disgusted in myself. The show portrayed exactly what I’d been taught my entire life: that trans people were undesirable, that we were deceitful and that we were a joke.
It continued to make me feel shame about who I was, and encouraged me to continue hiding away. I felt that no one could possibly ever want me if I came out as trans, and that I would be destined to live a life where I would never find love.
Miriam was just a woman searching for love and recognition, like most of us are. Instead of being treated with kindness, she was exploited and ridiculed for entertainment.
The fact she was transgender was twisted and contorted, and she was portrayed as a deceitful predator, who caught innocent and well-intentioned heterosexual men into her web, making them fall in love with her on false pretences.
She wasn’t shown as the woman she was, but instead the whole thing was like a trainwreck waiting to happen — and none of us looked away. She was ripped apart by the tabloid media and everyone was talking about her.
To me it’s an example of the cruelty of reality TV, and how vulnerable people can be exploited for views and money. From hiding that she was transgender from the contestants, to placing her into that situation, to the language used — it was obvious that the show was made for the purpose to shock and outrage people. It wasn’t made with anyone’s well-being in mind.
Miriam became a victim of a culture that sensationalised and ripped transgender people apart, and this controversy followed her for the rest of her life. In 2019, she was found dead in her own home. While her death was officially recorded as suicide, her husband has been outspoken that she had previously been threatened and suspects she was murdered.
I often think about Miriam’s story. The show affected me deeply at the time and I will probably never forget it — not just the shame it brought, but also how sorry I felt for Miriam to have been put through that.
Sadly, trans people continue to fight the same problems, as our identities are still used by some in the public eye to generate outrage and harsh reaction.
The very same language that was used to describe Miriam on that show nearly 20 years ago is still being used to describe trans people today, where our identities are questioned and ridiculed openly – showcasing that transphobia is still seen as acceptable and worthy of broadcasting in our society.
Trans people are facing more backlash than ever. Reports of hate crimes against trans people have quadrupled in the past few years in the UK, and recently the BBC pulled out of Stonewall’s workplace inclusion scheme citing the need to maintain ‘impartiality’.
Miriam’s story is a reminder of why we must keep fighting for a society where everyone is allowed to be themselves without being ridiculed or persecuted for wanting to find love and happiness.
Because there wasn’t anything wrong with Miriam or the ‘something’ about her – but there is something deeply wrong with how we treat trans people and continue to ridicule them for wanting the same things as everyone else in life – to love and be loved.
It’s a reminder that we certainly have a long way to go to create a free, safe and open society for all — transgender people included.
Harsh Reality is available on all podcast platforms including Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music and the Wondery app.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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